Life is over for meeeee!!! =(
High School is over, for good... Sigh and its too late to fail to I can go another year.
Michelle and I are breaking up ...
We dont want to, were actually VERY happy with eachother but were pretty much being forced to. Our relationship is not "approved". I never get to see her outside of school besides some rare occasions and I wont be able to for sure now. Theres nothing else we can do and im extremely upset about this and so is she but I dont know what else to do. Im lost
June 2 (Wed) Graduation, the day my life ends... Atleast this chapter I dont want to leave but what can I do.
My grand parents came over at uh.. I dont know what time. My Gma made me something cool with the graduation letter we sent to her as long as a pimped out grad bag

Later on I put my gown on and we "had" to take pictures and well. THEY ALL SUCKED! But the only one that was half decent.. my dad and I

But hey its a tradition of bad graduation pictures of me.. LIKE MY ELEMENTARY GRADUATION!

After the really crappy pictures we headed to the Miami Dade Kendall campus. When we got there it was raining and we headed to the gym. They went in and I waited in line and found random people. Both krystle/chrytle found me and we found others.. Talked for a little bit then had to get in our "areas" by our last name.
Got there and then the wait in the HOT ASS hallway.. We were all sweating balls because A: Small hall way B: Lots of people = heat C: we were standing in our damn gowns.. GAY!

Later on Gus and Cody arrived, I forgot their last names started with a S so I was happy and we took apicture. Well.. I did

We waited in that hallway from about 7 to 8PM but it seemed.. so.. much.. longer
but we finally walked in and took our seats. I found my parents relatively easy and I found myself looking for Mel because she called earlier asking If I was going to graduate when we havent talked in days. I dunno
Took our seats.. Speech... Blah.. blah... bleh... blah'
then finally walking on stage and getting my diploma case. The first hand you shake was Halfakers and I was kinda uhmmmmm.. Thinking he would hate me or something lol but it was okay. Then a bunch of people I dont know then the AP's. Ive come to like Stitsky the most actually, everyone told me congrats blah blah and Stitsky said "Josh, do great things in life"... That was nice
As I was walking to my seat again all the counselors and teachers I was passing were like "CONGRATS JOSH!!!" And i shook a lot of their hands n such. I was the only one they did that too so I kinda felt special in a way lol.
Got back to the seat.. Final speech.. turning of the tassels and that moment. High school was over. I didnt get butterflies or cried during the graduation. I thought I would but I guess it wasnt all that magical.
After that we all went outside and I tried finding people. Some found me and I found some others but I didnt see A LOT of people. It was friggin night and there was so many poeple in 1 little area that it was just by pure luck if I ran into someone I knew. Mel seemed to pop out of nowhere and find me, she told me congrats... I dont know but I really appreciated that.
I was looking for poeple like Edwin, Jesse n Chris J but couldnt find em.. Got a couple of shots tho like with Rudy, Justin n Gus

Went and walked with my dad, said bye to a few more people.. I wanted everyone to stay there all night with me so I could say bye to everyone but that was hardly something that would happen and Im not exactly capable of saying bye so easily since I want to hold on to that but I guess I have to let go.. Even without saying good bye
After that we went and drove to Bahama Breeze to eat then proceeded home where I couldnt sleep the entire night..
June 3rd (Thursday)
My graduation party!!!
Family, Friends and work friends all came.. It was really great and I had a great time. Really glad it happened. All my friends chilled in my room, sung some karaoke, talked outside. All left (my friends) to go to the love store.. Came back and chilled in my room some more. Good fun




Got cards with money and giftcards n such. From people I never even met too, its pretty incredible.. LOTS OF THANKS!!
Sam and Suzie showed up that day too for the graduation party, that was cool. They havent been here in years.
But it was a great night, I had a lot of fun.
June 4th (Friday)
Day I received the bad news from Michelle. Shes in mexico right now and it appears were going to break up... This really sucks. Why does everyone else get relationships where they are able to see eachother and be happy. I always get the difficult situations. Maybe im just not suppost ot be with anyone ugh
Anyways I woke up early in the morning, maybe slept 2-3 hours to take the SAT. jeeeze I was TIRED... We stopped at McDonalds to get some breakfast for me and my dad saw Barney inside Mcdonalds.. That was kinda funny.
Got to school and waited in line to get our room to take our SATs with Barney and Joey.. Wewt I wasnt gonna be alone~! Anyways there was a cat stuck in the vending machines going "MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW" it was funny in a bad sad way.
The SATs sucked my bolas. I dunno how I did and I cant guess either.. Guess ill find out.
Got home and everyone was awake, I was going to stay awake and not sleep but uh my body kinda gave out on me and I fell asleep after I got done talking with Michelle. I was too upset to stay awake I guess. I had some shitty dreams during that nap
Woke up, waited some more, TV guy came and fixed our direct TV.. Ok woot.. Now DSL?
Went to Dolphin mall, went to a few stores.. Saw some random people like a girl who went "I know that guy!" and pointed at me but I just ignored her cuz I didnt feel like going all "OH hey I dont remember you, where did we meet" blah blah.. Saw Chris n Gabby, Sonya and uhhhh thats all.
Ate at Dave n Busters then went back home. I stood up awhile listening to some SoCo. Went to sleep, more nightmares.
While I was in my bed lying wide awake thinking about what im goign to do about michelle.. About 2 AM I get a weird phone call from a weird number and I picked up and it was michelle with a simple "Hey I just wanted to say hi, good night babe" ... I wish she could stay on so I could hear her voice, if just a few minutes. It keeps me calm. When she had my hoodie and gave me it back it smelled like her. For the first time in my life I found myself sleeping with something because of its scent and how it reminds me of them. I really miss her, I may LOVE her (Im serious when I say that word now) but I really care for her and she makes me happy. She said that she wouldnt lose me so easily and would fight so hard to be with me and see me when she can but this is something she cant win.
June 5th (Saturday)
Woke up a lil before 11 to say good bye to my Gma, Gpa, suzie and sam. It was really cool how they all came down just for me, I really appreciated that. My gma played lots of bejeweled on my computer . Gawd shes such a gamer, I didnt even get much computer time! lol~ But it was all cool.. Went back to sleep when they left tho lol
Woke back up around 3PM because of kurt gave me a love call. Anyways a lil later Claudia and Dalia came and picked me up. We got Gus and headed to Claudia's place. She has a NICE home and her bed is so... comfortable... Yes... so... *drool* *sleep*... But yeah we went out, got some pizza.. Headed back.. Ate, chilled.. Dropped Dalia off at 10.. Went to my house.. chilled in my room and talked.. And they left about 11:30.. Before they left Claudia noticed
KISSING SNAILS!

And then we poured salt on them.. MWAHAHAH BURN!!! And poured salt on other snails... BURN! and then flicked them... SMASH!!! and they headed home
Now its me in my wee lil o home.
I cant believe high school is over tho. Its all so unreal. I remember being back in Elementary ALL the way back then when I was in Redland Christian Academy with Chris J, Bryant Quick, Ashley Garcia and others I know there going "wow schools never going to end" and it did.
Redland was interesting. I wish I remember more of it. Show and tell and me always bringing in the "violent" toys which would be figures with guns n stuff and getting crap about it from the teachers haha thats funny. Having this HUGE crush on Ashley Garcia to meet her again in high school and have the slightest bit of interest in her.
Then Princeton ... Damn I hated that place. I didnt feel like I belonged anywhere all the years I aws in princeton. I was always trying to fit in somewhere to only be rejected. In elementary I would walk around recess alone and go to random groups of people to only get pushed away and Id always end up alone on the swings n stuff. Then the boys started buying those star wars miniture figures or w/e and I started to get them and had a feeling of belonging because they would let me play with them.
I was the loner kid in the corner of the class that didnt talk much and sat with the other loners. In middle school there I started to have more of a feeling of being belonged. I had a crush on Gina and was able to kinda be her friend after a project with Chris J and her. I remember that somewhat. But I never got to be with Gina, I was too shy. Over the years I kind of made friends.. Good ones too like Dominque, Rodolfo, Kevin W, John B and others. I didnt hate it as much but still hated it. I still got teased. Damn kids can be HARSH! I think I was depressed back then, I cried every night.
My last year there was 9th grade, It was ok. I left princeton because Dominque, Kevin, Chris and some others were going to south dade and without them I would have nothing in Princeton. I was scared but I followed them.
Before I left princeton, I dont remember what year I started exactly.. But it was before I went to south dade so I think I started 7th or 8th grade. around these years I played a lot of online games and met a lot of cool people from Jedi Knights (best gaming experiences ever), Star Craft (met amazingly cool peopel that I wish I still talked to), Half Life and others. Then I moved onto this god forsaken thing called Everquest.. But i loved it. I met a lot of cool poeple and having so many valuable memories in that game like I would in real life. After that I never talked to people online besides the people I know in person as opposed to before I would talk to peopel all over the country because I didnt know anyone in real life.
Going to South Dade = Best Decision EVER!
Within the first few MINUTES of being there I found a place of belonging. Being in the gym reading my manga by myself and then Edwin going up to me and we started talking about Anime, Edwin was the first person I met in South Dade.. He was new to the school too. In a few minutes I found out he played Magic. After that I had Agriculture where Chris J and Dom. were in. There I met gus and I found out Chris played Magic too so next class I brought a deck and we started playing and then Daniel Hicks came in and played with us. I found out that week there was a lot of people who played magic and I automatically became friends with them. I was so happy in south dade, I was making so many new friends and I didnt even know how to react to it all or what to say. I was trying to fit in still on how they were and say what they wanted to hear but I didnt know so I found myself changing.
10th grade was an amazing year, I think it was the year my life turned around. It was truly an amazing year.
11th grade was great too. I was with Alley, was making more friends and I guess becoming more social. I became good friends with Jesse which I think was one of the best things to happen. I remembering the first time going to his house being kinda nervous because he was too cool to hang out with me but yet he wanted me to come over and chill? That was cool. Alley was a big part of my junior year, she made it a great time. I didnt get to see her much and I didnt pay as much attention to my friends as I should of but I dont regret any of it. Being with Alley was a great time in my life. It was a great year, I loved it and it was also the year I guess I kind of discovered myself and who I am.
12th grade.. Senior year.. There was good and there was bad. I met a lot more people, became more involved in things, was ALWAYS with friends and with someone all the time, a majority of the year I was chasing Mel, and well.. DRAMA from everybody. I expected more, it wasnt one of those things you see in movies and shows where on their senior year theyre having all these great times but it was still good. I met new people, hung out with them and had fun. It was the year of drama, everyone was having problems and they all came to me and I had my own dramatic problems so the drama was driving me insane. I enjoyed it tho.
Im going to miss everyone, I wont be seeing a lot of people again but I will always (hopefully lol) remember them and see them in the future. High school was the best years of my life. I changed so much in those short few years to mold me what I am today.. good or bad ..
I met the best people I think ill ever meet in life. I dont even know where to start. Edwin was the first person I met and were good friends now, Chris J. has been with me pretty much since the beginning... weve known eachother since K5 and its good to know were still close, Gus one of my best friends.. I had some of the best times hanging out with him, Dom.. No matter what hed always make me feel in place, in Princeton when nobody would talk to me, he would. Doms great, Jake.. He changed a lot in those few years too, and Im glad to be there with him. Weve been thru a lot together and its been great., Barney n Joey .. In many ways they are kinda like brothers and sisters and in a way it feels like I am with them.. Theyre great and im so happy I got to know them, Jesse who is also one of my best friends. I cant POSSIBLY imagine what my junior or senior year would of been without him.. Actually yes I can.. TOTAL SHIT!, Eric .. Crazy mofo~ Eric puts a lot of life into anywhere he is, hes an absolute blast to hang out with., Micheal, Rudy, Justin, Juan, Desi ... theyre kinda all a lil gang with Edwin.. I gang I loved being with these years. I mean I could go on and on about everyone I know.. Everyone meant so much to me and the thought of not seeing them sickens me to the core.. Ugh But atleast this year I got to meet KICKASS people like Lee!! Lee is so cool, we should worship lee
And to be a lil conceded...
When I came to South Dade I didnt know what to expect and to come to something with this HUGE acceptance. I dont know how this happened... People would call me to invite people to their gatherings because "I know everybody". Walking down the halls and not being able to escape people I know having to say hi and hug like 10 different people every 5 feet I walked. Its really weird. Even as I graduated it was still weird to me on the last day of school. In princeton Id always be alone but in South Dade it was the complete opposite. Friends would even get mad at me because I wouldnt pay attention to them or invite them to certain events because I forgot or something. Its crazy.
And girls.. good god.. who would of known? I couldnt even imagine having a 2 second conversation with a girl in princeton and when I did .. I always end up an idiot after those 2 seconds but now its like a second nature talking to a girl. I also got this attention from all these girls that want to go out with me.. WEIRD! Like id be friends with some girl, say hi maybe a conversation ehre and there and find out later that she has a crush on me.. and this was regular. Like seriously huh? I was th eugly kid in Princeton .. the LOSER.. I still am but why am I getting all these attention? I think it actually got to me at time, I found myself having a large ego at random times and thinking in my head "whao".
How do I move from playing video games all day to always being out and always being "busy" ... Its a weird psychological thing to change from what I had in princeton to what I had in south dade in such little time. It was overwhelming
I had a huge click in South Dade too. It was like I was one of the Elite at the school. All the teachers n staff knew me and would talk to me and everything. I could almost do anything for people... If someone came in late I could get them a pass to class no problemo, get anywhere in the school, get out of class when I finished work to go to the techie office when others couldnt leave class, just basically... Do anything.. Literally.. And now that click is gone, I will no longer be there and waht I had there wont be following me
I love South Dade so much, Every year has been a huge change HUGE. If it wasnt for girl drama and me feeling lonely still I couldnt ever be possibly more happier. If I didnt go to South Dade god only knows how I would be now.
My parents have been there all these years. Supporting all my different trend movements for me to fit in with peopel so I could be happy but a lot of times it never worked but I kept on trying and trying and asking my parents to buy more and more crap.. But they did it anyways to keep me happy. Especially my dad, he always tried to keep me happy. My mom too so I guess there is no especially helpful but I dunno. I really do have the best mom and dad I could ask for... My mom still drives me insane though
So much has changed, ive gone through a lot... I dont know ... school ... Im going to miss it. the best days of my life and I dont know what to expect in the future... Who I will lose as friends, who I will meet.. The new experiences Ill go through. High school made me feel safe, it was shelter and now im out of it. I had people all my life deciding what would happen the next year but now its my choice. Its scary
I love you all and I love you for making these years the best I ever had. For those who didnt know me before 10th grade, if you did... You would know exactly why I love you all so much and how much I appreciate you all.
Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right
I love you all
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Im going to start something different for me... You can only remember so much before forgetting it and from here on end.. After every entry im going to put 3-5 (or more) random memories from anything I can remember. Overtime I should have a good collection of random memories lol. But to start off with how I met some people and other random memories.. Gonan do more than 3 to start off with
1: Meeting Gus
I met gus when I went into my agriculture class for the first time and I talked to Dom first then Chris. I was talking to Chris and Gus said something to me and then Chris said to me "See that kid (pointing at gus) dont talk to him, hes weird" so I ended up talking to him lol. Only to find out he'd be a big part of my life in southdade
2: Meeting Edwin
I was sitting in the Gym bleechers by myself reading Love Hina manga. Before that I would just look at random people but I didnt know anybody soI would just sit there alone at the top. But I was reading it and Edwin came up to me and said how he liked Love Hina and we started talking about Anime then out of nowhere I asked him If he played magic and hes like YEAH!. I had him for a science class that year before I switched out, he was like grr to me lol
3: Meeting Danny Hicks
Was playing Magic with Chris and Danny comes up in his K-Mart uniform shirt asking if he could play. We said sure and he came back with this deck and we started all playing. After that Agriculture wasnt ag class it was Magic Class.. Thats all we did the entire year.. Played Magic. I even found myself doing something I never done before.. skipping class to go to ag and play magic
4: Meeting Kris S.
This was about the middle of the year. I was walking to the tech support office (which was a complete mess back then) and when I walked in I saw this really weird freaky looking kid. I said Hi im josh and we started talking since then. We became really good friends and hung out everyday almost. Later on we used to pretty much live with eachother because id sleep at his house one day, hed sleep at mine the next and it went on and on week after week, month after month. He was one of my best friends, its a shame he turned the way he did now. He didnt do stupid things back then
5: Meeting Alley B
Alley was an important part of 10th and 11th grade aswell. I was talking to cass and she randomly invited me in a chatroom and im saying whatever in there to find what I believe at the time was Blinkgirl182 or something... To find out she was that little girl that lived behind Jakes house that I occasionaly. Who knew I would fall in love with her, I was over 3 years older than her but we didnt care. Now shes a good friend, I still love her.. Not romantically but in a different way.
6: Meeting Mel
She was a big part of my senior year. I mean cmon, I was chasing her for more than half of it. I met her when I was having one of my gatherings and Eric brought her and Krystal along. I already met krystal from one of the times Iw ent to Jesses house but never Mel. I saw Mel before at a friday fest wearing PJ pants and sometimes in school but I never really took notice. This time I did at my house, I thought she was beautiful and wanted to know her more. When I went to school I started seeing Mel and we would say hi.. We'd pass eachother walking from homeroom and say hi.. Then hi became hi whats going on... then that turned into conversations.. Which turned into skipping together.. which turned into us hanging out.. Which turned into ... you get the picture.
7: My social life in Princeton
I only had 1 thing I talked about... Just 1.. Video Games.. It was all I did and all I could talk about . I had no other interests and I didnt know what else to talk about. So in the table I sat with we would always end up talking about video games.
8: Duke Nukem
My dad had the demo of it on the computer somehow and I was like whao cool! And I wanted to play the full thing and he got it. It was the coolest thing I ever saw and it was something that introduced me into PC gaming. I brough the box art of princeton in elementary to show my friends the game. I didnt notice it had warning labels and one of them was Sexual Content and you know kids. If they hear or see the word sex they go Oooo!!! Hell I did it too, your innocent as a kid.. Anyways..I go ttold on lol
9: First Kiss
Something that was important to me to end on
I was laying on one of the couch's in jakes house with Alley and we just looked at eachother hugging eachother and I was so nervous because I wanted to kiss her but didnt know how and was super shy about it but I moved in to kiss her. I miss that feeling of that first kiss, the butterflies, the feeling nervous. Nowadays I can make out with any girl and just be like "Yep"
BTW... This post took me 3 hours
Without Wax,
Josh out